I’ve been through a lot, learned a lot, and struggled a lot. But I’m not here to reflect on all of that. I’ve done that. I know what I will do and what I have done. 

I want to talk about this blog for a second.

I poor my time and soul into this place. I pour love into my pictures that I would challenge anyone else to pour just as much into. I would step up to  artists and question their methods or give them the praise they deserve

I didn’t want much from this blog, but when you get some, you want some more. 

And to be completely honest, sitting here after having kept myself up for one whole day, working on pictures for everyone just to get the same low tier response I always get, is getting quite old now. 

So let me ask you all something. Something I refrained from asking for such a long time, in fear that I already knew the answer and everyone was just assuming that I knew or wanted to give me too much credit. 

What am I doing wrong?

Seriously please enlighten me. 

What am I not doing that everyone else is doing? Why do I not get the same sort of love that everyone else gets?

Is it this? I’m too bitchy? Do I not bitch enough? Is it just because I draw icky dead things? 

I’m so far from believing that the latter reason is the only reason. I’ve been happy this entire time just saying my fan base is quiet, but you know what? It sucks okay?

Really it fucking sucks. 

I do good work. I can say this with confidence. I do pour so much of my life into this. 

Now I know what most people would say. “But Matt not everyone can make a living off of their art.”

I understand that. I’m aware that this is indeed a thing to consider. 

But you know something, that can only comfort you so much when you pour your hard work and love into something, just to get a “meh” response. 

It starts to feel more and more like a job.

I swear I’ve always hoped that things would change. That the love for my work could one day finally be reflected in the numbers. 

But it’s new years. Can I say that this is an honest case? Even for my clean art? The stuff that I thought would be way easier for people to want to openly support? 

No.

No I can’t. 

I’m getting tired guys. I have lots of plans for next year, and I’m both excited and just worried that no one is going to give a flying fuck. 

I realize how much of this is my fault, but you know.. Fuck me if I don’t fucking deserve to talk about this once. 

I know this isn’t the end of the year post you were all hoping for, maybe I’ll even make a better one later. 

Just. waking up groggy to having to reblog another art post that I think performed way more poorly than any other good artist broke the last straw on my back. 

Happy new year. 

Hope it’s a good one.