I greatly look forward to the day you finally snap and kill someone. I will gladly tell everyone "I told you so". You'll just laugh at this though, like all crazy people do. It's no different than someone asking a murderer "Why did you do it?" and they just laugh at them. They're crazy. You're crazy. Your conscious mind just hasn't accepted it yet. So your subconscious sexualizes it. And it'll continue until the urge to act on it is too great, and then someone will be dead.