Just in a brooding state of mind. It’s not anything I think I should really discuss. 

*proceeds to talk about it*

I’m having some major difficulties with whatever standards I hold against myself in regards to networking and rubbing elbows with others. 

I don’t usually do it much. Mostly because I feel like I don’t need to do that. 

I also don’t really particularly care to know these people? Yet that’s why I fail in networking, because who cares if you don’t care right? You’re supposed to just tolerate people of potential interest enough to find out how you can benefit from a working relationship with them. 

I can’t do that though. 

Also, not to sound like a complete jerk, but it’s usually kind of rare that I get inspired by another artists work. I can usually appreciate good art work, but most popular names out there don’t really spark any huge amount of inspiration in me. 

I wouldn’t particularly say that I admire them either. 

So again, I don’t have any incentive to go out of my way to form a relationship with these people anyway. 

And then there’s the whole drawing dead shit all the time thing, which lets face it, cripples my potential to network with others with any good potential. 

Also there’s this ‘other blog’ I’ve been talking about starting. 

You know. The one that’s supposed to just be safer stuff? Just lewd things? 

None of this icky stuff?

Yet I’m finding it hard to even care about starting that blog.

I question the real reason why I would want to even start something like that.

Is it just to get a wider audience? 

Would I enjoy the content I’d be making on that blog?

How could I care about making that kind of content when it seems like I don’t even care enough to do it on my regular work time in the first place? 

Am I even capable of doing that? 

Iunno. 

This may all just be a funk. I brood like this a lot. 

In any case, I’m just feeling a bit defeated about a lot of this stuff. It’s making me feel very uncertain about whether or not I can keep this up without feeling defeated about this ill prioritized list of standards I hold. 

I know that the problem is me. 

And I know what I could/should do to fix it.

It’s just really hard to even consider doing it.

And do I even want to do it?

Or am I just being a jaded individual?

Iunno. 

I’m frustrated. 

Anyway, thanks for reading this if you took the time to.

Whether all of this makes me seem like a worse person to everyone out there, iunno. 

At this point I don’t really care.