The Amazin-Arts Master Post

I figured it was time I laid to rest a bunch of questions that I’ve been asked frequently over the time I’ve had this blog running.

Consider this an FAQ of sorts.

I’m really doing this for the people who are curious or have questions as to why I draw/like what I like. It’s legitimate that most people would have such inquiries, as most people with this kind of fetish aren’t very open about it.

So here’s a little history on yours truly.

Back when I was a kid, I really loved cartoons. Pokemon was a big deal for me, Disney films were awesome, and I loved anything that had a cuteness factor to it. Cute was a thing I liked and I absorbed it at any chance I got. I was also drawing at a very young age as well, but I never entertained the idea of drawing anything explicit, because I don’t think that concept existed in my brain at the time.

That is not to say, however, that I wasn’t sexually driven by some desires of mine.

During this time in my childhood, I had developed a sexual drive. I wasn’t aware of it then, and I was completely oblivious to what I was even doing with myself. I had developed a method of stimulating myself, and I even had particular fetishes to go along with it. The one thing at the time that I thought about the most was feet, and especially when they were limp/the person was asleep. It was something that I’ve been into for as long as I could possibly remember. Cartoon characters only fed into those sexual fantasies, and I frequently used to think up of situations where the character was asleep and someone or something could take advantage of them.

Somewhere during my childhood, I grew a huge fascination with death. It all started when my dad came by my school to pick up my brother and I. Next to our school was located a small grave sight and my father decided to bring us there.

I was very curious as to why he brought us there and at the time the concept of death didn’t even exist to me. After we looked around the grave stones, I noticed there were some pictures of people on them and I asked who they were. My father told me that they were fathers like him and sons like me. He told me that we were all going to end up like them some day and that we all only have a certain amount of time left on this planet.

For whatever reason, this fascinated me.

I began doodling everything that had anything to do with death. Grave sights, coffins, and crosses. You name it, I drew it. My school teachers started to become a bit concerned with this and eventually approached my parents about it. It was cleared up that there really was no cause for alarm for this kind of behavior, so I continued with it until eventually I grew out of that little phase in my life.

Now here’s the thing. I’m not exactly sure that has anything to do with why I’ve developed a fetish around it. It is however a very important event in my life, and that at it’s fundamental core, it is what opened my eyes to the very concept of death in the first place. So whether or not it directly developed my fetish is a moot point, because either way, the concept of death is so essential for the fetish to even be conceptualized in the first place.

As time went on and I entered the 5th grade, I started to become more adventurous with my drawings. I started to draw my own little comics of Pokemon fighting a war against Nazi Cyborg robots (yes I was into WWII and Nazi Imagery at this point). This is when I started to draw my first images of death occurring in cute characters and I really started to like it. It was such a wonderful juxtaposition and I was able to finally see the things that I visualized in my head on paper. The possibilities flowed through me. It was the most excited I’ve ever been about drawing my darker ideas.

Death to me at this point had an additional level of control that I really liked. Like someone who’s sleeping, it allows you complete control. More so, it added a whole other factor to it. I wasn’t sure what I liked about it at the time, but over time I’ve come to realize that it was the indefinite control that excited me. You were taking that characters life, and you put yourself above them. You could now do whatever you wanted to them, and they would have absolutely no say in the matter, because you ended them. That for me was an exciting concept, and it made the ideas I had for drawing them out all the more appealing.

Now as a kid, did I have a moral sense of right and wrong? Absolutely. I was raised very well when I was young, being told by many why killing and why taking a life is wrong. I would have never wanted to hurt anyone, or even kill them. So then I raised a question to myself, one that would cause me a great deal of distress.

Was I ever going to do that at some point?

It tormented me in my middle school years. I was ashamed at this point of even being into it. I was so unsure of my own development as a human being that I wanted to shut out any sort of possibility that I would ever commit such a heinous act.

It wasn’t until years later that I became more comfortable with the idea that I was into this sort of thing, realizing that though I would never want to commit any sort of act like this in reality, that I could depict it in my art work and it would be the best form of externalizing these ideas.

Now I still thought I was quite an odd ball at this time. I never showed anyone my work, and if anyone ever happened upon it, I would just explain that it was part of a story. It was an easy cover up and prevented any awkward conversations that I’d have to have with people. Especially considering that this has been an ongoing thing for most of my childhood.

More time has passed and now I was in High School. During this time, I started to draw more anthropomorphic work with animals that I really liked. Dolphins, wolves; etc. I had no knowledge on what furry artwork was at this point, but after becoming more internet savvy and making a few furry friends, I discovered the furry fandom and my artistic drive scored to a new high. I finally found a community with people who draw, imagine, and feel the same way I do about animals and cute things in general. There were even really awesome artists to be inspired by, so I decided at this point to take more art more seriously. I was 16 years old at the time.

Now the only problem for me at this point was finding anyone that had any of my special interests. There were a lot of foot fetishists out there sure, but sleep/death fetishists? Those were pretty hard to find, if they existed at all. It was a bit of a bummer for me, considering that I saw so many awesome artists, and I’d always imagine what it would be like to see what I desired drawn with such execution.

It was at this point that I made a promise to myself that if I ever got good enough at drawing, that I would do nothing but draw all of the things I wanted to see and be awesome at doing it. I knew that I couldn’t be the only one out there that had these interests, it is after all a very big world and I had only begun to discover an entire community based around cute anthropomorphic animals that I thought for the majority of my childhood didn’t exist.

So I also made it a goal at this point to provide this sort of artistic work to people like me. I call those people my Silent Audience. These are the people that I believe have/are going through the similar phases that I went through in life. Struggling with accepting their desires that goes against their/societies moral code. I wanted people to know that it was totally okay, and that they were not alone in that struggle. That while they’re coping with accepting it, that I would be there to comfort them with the content that they could enjoy. Something that would provide them with the release they wanted to see depicted as I would have when I was younger.

I wanted to be that artist.

And so here I am.

Doing just what I set out to do.

For those of you that have witnessed this blogs development, you all know that it isn’t without it’s struggles. I still have conflicts with myself and my artistic path. What I choose to do with my artistic career, what I think would further me as an artist, and the difficulties that come with serving a niche that most of everyone views as a tacky and tasteless form of art.

Well, this is where I answer some of the questions that most of those people have. You may even be one of those people, so hopefully I can square away any questions you may have regarding my art and the fetishes I depict in it.

So here goes nothing.

What do you like about sleep?: Sleep for me has always been about control. I like limp body parts, and this caters well to my foot fetish. The weight, the kinetic energy from dropping or rag dolling arms/hands/feet has always been something I really liked. As I grew older, it has fused in with many other sexual activities including oral.
Do you do things to others in their sleep?: Yes, but at any time I have done this to anyone it was with prior consent. I will always make sure that if I’m to engage in this sort of activity, that my sexual partner knows about my fetish before hand, and that they completely consent to me being able to do this sort of thing with them. If no consent is given, I will never do anything with that individual.
Why do you like dead things?: Well as stated above, it has a lot to do with my fetish for sleep. I like the control it grants, and the concept of taking a life is exciting for me. Though as stated, I would never want to do that in reality. This is mostly to do with my moral upbringing and also the legal implications.
Would you ever do something with a corpse?: No. I’ve answered this question more times than I could count, but there is no way I would ever do anything to a corpse. Again, my morals are still set and legal implications are still there. I’ve also had people propose this question to me in hypothetical situations, which makes me very uncomfortable because again, it seeks to figure out if I’m capable of ever carrying out a sexual act against a corpse, which I would never do. So in conclusion, no I would not ever do something to a corpse.
Do you fantasize about being killed yourself?: No and just as many others do, I have a healthy fear of death. I can’t even ride on an airplane without feeling like I’m going to die, so no this isn’t something I find particularly pleasant to think about. That and it also kind of negates the whole control thing if I’m dead.
Do you draw dead characters that you hate?: I’ve been accused of being a hate artist before, so this is one I’d like to clear up. I do not draw characters dead if I dislike them. In fact, if I dislike a character, I will completely avoid drawing them simply because I don’t find them worth putting in a situation that would please me sexually. So if I dislike a character, no I won’t draw them being killed/dead. It holds no appeal to me whatsoever.
Are you a gore artist?: You could say that I suppose, though I wouldn’t say that I like gore the same way I like grim-dark situations involving death. Gore, at least to me, implies the presence of organs and other sorts of bodily amputation. This isn’t something I’m into nearly as much as regular death/necro scenarios, and though I’ve depicted it in my art before, I wouldn’t classify myself mainly as a gore artist.
What you draw disturbs me and I don’t like it. : And that is absolutely fine. It is to my complete understanding that most people out there do not like this kind of media, and I’m not bothered or mad about that. All I ask is while I do understand this and fully acknowledge it, that you respect the right for this art to exist by simply avoiding it. There are many ways to avoid looking at this art, and not seeking it is a good first step.
It’s a shame that you draw art that I can’t enjoy. : And I do apologize for this. While I do plan on expanding my art to more friendlier audiences, I take what I do very personally, and I feel that what I do provides a service to a niche audience that as I stated previously, is severely lacking in good content. So serve me some patience. I hope to get more content out that’s suitable to a wider audience.
Where do you find artistic inspiration for your work? : Where everyone else finds it. I have artists that I look up to and admire. Inspiration for my work can also come from the weirdest places. Often times it’ll be a character or scenario that opens the door for a death, and I’ll want to see that visualized.