Since leaving Oklahoma a little over a month ago, I haven’t done much to lead into whats been happening in my life. There’s plenty of reasons for it, but I’m going to explain that all for you now. 

Oklahoma was a very rough time. Not to say that I wasn’t supported or had every opportunity to make my life work there, but it was simply one of the hardest tasks I got handed. The person who had originally invited me to move in was going through some of his own big changes, and it made living with them a lot more difficult, not that I can blame them for going through one of the most difficult phases of their life.

Fact of the matter is I was too. I constantly sat in my room wondering how I could make things work. I left myself to brood over issues that, looking back on them now, simply did not matter. I couldn’t find anything in the outside world worth worrying about, so I found things here on the internet. Whether it be alienating myself from friends over some paranoid speculation, or checking in on the progress of others to compare it to my own.

 I also found that I was constantly worrying about the current issues back at my home town in New York. I was longing to stay more in touch with the people I left behind, and I wanted to be part of the community that seemed to keep growing more and more in my absence. I talked about home a lot, and I spoke about it with passion. I wanted to be back home to see just how much my community grew, and in turn, see how much I grew in its absence. 

The result of all of this thinking caused my work ethic to plummet. I was very depressed, and the only things that really held my sanity together were little things. Things like going outside and feeling the sun, or interacting with a McDonald’s cashier. I relied on these little things to keep my sanity intact. 

I could get a bit more into what exactly happened in Oklahoma to lead up to now, but lets just say that after a couple of very harsh events I endured, that I finally broke. I felt that I no longer had the mental capacity to handle any more of the hardship. I woke up one morning and knew that I had to leave. So I planned it out, and with the help of my roommate at the time, and some friends, I made up a plan and executed it as smoothly as I could. 

Since returning to New York, I’ve been back home with my parents. It’s been a bitter sweet experience in that regard. I miss the independence I had, but what I’ve got in exchange for that small absence of independence has been very crucial to restoring my sense of well-being. 

The most daunting task of coming home was trying to get my old room to adapt to my current office setup. That took quite some time, but that’s all behind me now, and I have a spot to come back to. I cleaned the floors, the walls, and did my best to cleanse the room of a past atmosphere that I felt uncomfortable in. It has since been more bearable.  

I’ve been going out a lot more. Submersing myself in my home town and exploring what it is I had left behind for 2 years. I’ve been seeing how my friends have changed (or lack thereof) and I’ve been embracing the communal aspect of home. It’s been a very eye opening experience, and I’ve been connecting with the community in ways I never thought possible. It’s been teaching me how to deal with myself, and in many ways it’s showing me that there is more to your life than what appears right in front of you. 

I also have a new job! That’s been an exciting avenue to go down. It’s with the same company I worked with for 4 years when I lived here, but I’m not at the same location. I also don’t deal in customer service. I now work for the web development team, doing photography, web listings, video work, and Youtube stuff. It’s been an exciting opportunity to stretch some new creative muscles and contribute to the company that has helped expand my life in ways I would have never thought possible. It’s like returning to a second family, and I’m happy to be reconnected with them. It’s a part-time gig, but I’ll be working that in-between my freelance artwork, which I’m now starting to catch up with. 

Also, I don’t normally bring these guys up here, since I like to distance them from this blog, but I’ve been making time for my Potatoes. It’s been connecting me with them in so many wonderful ways, and it’s been keeping me in touch with something very important in my life. I can’t wait to see where our future goes. 

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that I’m okay. Things have been developing for the better, and I’m happy to be back on an upswing. I’m keeping my life on a schedule and on a routine. I’ll make sure I keep my life varied in the experiences I can submerse myself in here in my community. 

I wish I could have typed up something a bit more in depth, but I need to get my car tire fixed. So I do need to bounce.

Anyway, thanks for being by my side everyone. I know I’m not exactly as involved with the art community here as others are, but in many ways I feel like that will come with time. I’m not worried about it. 

I’ll have work to show you all soon. 

Take care for now!